As we get older we start to sense more and more who we do and don't need in our lives. We meet new amazing people to connect with and we might outgrow or no longer have things in common with others. We become more aware of what we will and won't tolerate from people and it's okay to let them go if they are not in harmony with you or there to help you grow. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. Now if that is in fact true, doesn't it make sense to let go of (or spend less time with) people who you no longer need in your life - for your own good and for the person that you want to be. Each situation is different it's not to abandon everyone, you will know whats right for you and you can still love people from a distance. If we are a product of the closest 5 people doesn't it feel better to have people in your life who share the same values, are supportive of you and genuinely care about you? You positively influence them as they positively influence you. But in any walk of life 5 types of people you will definitely benefit from letting go of (or seeing minimally wink wink) are...
1. Chronic complainers
Yes we all know a few you can identify them by their constant moaning. Whether it’s about the weather, their job, their friends, their family, their partner, food, a place - no matter what they ALWAYS have something to moan about. You may find yourself nodding along whilst they try to reel you into their negative web to join them in whatever complaint related issue is on the agenda today - these people are just never happy. And you will feel like you’ve had the life drained out of you after an encounter with them. Believe me life is far too short for chronic complainers and their miserable nature. Be careful not to confuse this with depression, depression is very different. Complainers are more often than not actually very fortunate (and not depressed) they’ve just adapted complaining to be their method of connection with other people and they really really enjoy it... And note – if they complain about EVERYTHING they are probably complaining to someone about you. My advice... Just stay away or if that’s really not possible point out good things to be appreciative of when you are around them. Life’s meant to be spent happy. We get what we focus on so why not focus on the good things in life.
Closely related to the complainers however gossipers are harder to spot and let go of because with gossip can come an excitement about knowing something about someone and give a false sense of connection to the person spreading the gossip that you’re the only special person they are telling… Believe me you could never be so wrong. Gossipers can’t hold their own water, if they’re not telling you they will tell the very next person they come in contact with be it another friend, their co-worker, their mum, sister, their nan… Anyone and I repeat ANYONE they come into contact with. The sad thing is about gossipers is that they really don’t care about the person who is trusting them with a personal issue or personal information. They act as though they do, promise not to tell anyone then tell, well everyone. To me these people aren’t friends. As you grow up you really don’t need these people in your life – you eventually learn who your true friends and good people are in your life are because they have your best interests at heart, without having to share your story with every person they meet. And very closely related to the last point – if they are gossiping with you they are most definitely gossiping about you. My advice again – Stay well away.
People gossip because they have no other form of excitement in their lives so they sadly make other people’s business their own and spread other's misfortune make themselves feel better, which brings me to my next point…
3. People who aren’t happy for your happiness
Again more toxic behaviour to avoid. People who are happy for your misfortune and unhappy for your success are people you don’t need in your life. These people will hold you back - they will often put you down and can be very passive aggressive. Jealous people are usually suffering from one of two issues... One being they have a scarcity mentality (that there isn’t enough in the world), so if you’re successful it takes away from them being successful (when the truth is that there is more than enough to go around in the world and when you are happy for other people’s successes and happiness it brings more success and happiness to you). And two being that they don’t have the courage to do it themselves so can’t handle the fact that you have. They get twisted over the fact that it's not them and will sometimes do anything in their power to sabatage your success/what you have to make themselves feel better. Again this just doesn’t make sense surely someone achieving success or happiness is there to show you that it’s possible for you to achieve what you want and inspire you to take the steps to get there? As I said in my last post 10 Ways To Instantly Lift Your Mood it’s about perspective and we can change our perspective but only when we want to - jealous people often don't want to and it's okay to let them go for your own well-being because you really don’t need jealousy or unnecessary drama in your life. Which brings me to my next point…
4. People who surround themselves with drama
You will know who they are because every time you see or speak to them something else has happened or even worse they cause something to happen when you are with them. These people aren’t happy with things running smoothly. There are constant arguments, relationship issues, fights, crying, screaming, drama, drama, drama. Anything you say can be twisted into a full length Opera and god forbid anyone says something remotely constructive - it will be taken as a personal attack, an insult and they are the quickest people to jump to their own defense even with issues that don’t concern them. Again stay far far away. Just like jealous people this toxic behaviour is dangerous they will drag the closest person to them in for back up and confirmation that they are ‘right’ as they are often very insecure individuals with a constant need for attention and ironically the most real need for awareness, growth and self-development.
5. Harmful People
This one should go without saying but anyone who engages in any behaviour or act that is a harm to themselves or you. We are the most precious thing in our lives. The only person that can really take care of you is you. The sooner people realise this, the sooner people will find the strength to walk away from anyone that engages in harmful behaviour. I'll leave it for you do decide what this might be for you but harmful and destructive behaviour often includes drug or alchohol abuse, emotional or physical harm and controlling behaviour. Anything that takes you away from the person you want to be.
My final advice... Surround yourself with people who love you, are there for you, who you can laugh with, enjoy life with and those special people who unknowingly inspire and bring you closer to the person you know deep down you're meant to be. People who fully accept and love you for being you.
Hope you enjoyed this post and if you did please share and let me know any of your stories in the comments section.
Loads of love from Sarah xxx